Seven years ago I was hopelessly single. I had a great family, wonderful circle of friends, and there was lots of dating, but “love” was nowhere in sight. It became the budding joke at every event- who will I bring tonight?
I thought about my lack of love constantly, and even wrote about it in a funny bantering way- the girl who only attracted “classic non-committal men”. I literally became the person I thought I was- single, career-oriented, with an embarrassing collection of shoes and purses. Looking back, I probably watched too much “Sex and the City”.
Later that year, I decided that I really wanted to help people create change in their lives, so I took a coaching course at NYU. As part of the course, we had to be “coached” by a classmate. There were 7 areas we could receive coaching in: Career (check), Finance (check), Fun (no problem), Physical Environment (check), Wellness (tackled that one years ago), Personal Development (check), or Relationships (SOS!!!).
I was resistant to this exercise, and I didn’t reveal much to my classmate about my longing for a life partner. I think I was afraid to face that it was “me”, that I would have to change. So, instead we used our sessions as time to chat.
I knew I had to come clean to the professor, who I much admired, and told him I needed a little coaching in the area of Relationships. He knew the answer as soon as I started to speak. He said, “You have convinced yourself you are meant to be single, so you will be single. It’s one of the 7 spiritual laws of success, the Law of Intention, Jennifer. You know it very well in class.”
And I did know it very well, but for some reason I didn’t see how this applied to my relationships. My professor coached me for only a half hour, but it was life changing. Now, I am married to my best friend and we have a beautiful 4 year old daughter and 2 year old son.
I really believe my professor’s words deeply impacted my thought process about relationships, and opened my eyes and heart. Here are some of the things I learned in that short conversation, and these principles transcend all areas of our lives:
1. Be Yourself Always
Throw out the rules, throw out the games. Real love comes from an authentic place so you must be who you are without bogging yourself down with nonsense. None of us are perfect- a true partner will see the beauty in our flaws.
2. Focus Deeply on What You Want
Create a list of qualities you want from a mate. Make sure your qualities come from a deep place, not a shallow one. The deeper connection you have to the attributes you are looking for, the more likely you will be to attract him/her into your life. Write qualities that will compliment who you are, and add balance to your already fabulous life.
3. Let it Go
Put your intentions out to the world, and then let God and the Universe do the work and deliver. If you look at everyone you meet as a potential soul mate, you may limit yourself and scare the person away. Give the people we meet and ourselves a chance before running to a jeweler and declaring love. And, if we spend time worrying that it won’t happen (or when it will happen) we create negative energy, which counteracts everything. You will both know when love is right, and usually it’s when you least expect it.
4. Make Space for a Mate
If your closet is too full to fit another pair of shoes, why shop for more? If your life is jam packed and you are always with people, will you have time to spend with someone else? You have to be content and happy with yourself, by yourself. By “filling” our schedules to avoid being alone, that gives the wrong message to the world. By making space and reconnecting with ourselves, we are open to limitless possibilities.
